Soo..A couple of days ago I went to my friend's house where my good childhood girlfriends and I had one of those rare get-together events. It has been very difficult to actually see all of them simultaneously since everyone is dealing with their own 'realities' so to speak, which is actually a shame since we were the focal points of each others' lives when we were younger. Given that we know each other so well and the many memories that we share, we had a blast of an evening. How I just love losing myself in memories....
One thing I discovered during our conversations was that everyone had that special someone whom they were attached to - they have been together for 4 years; they are getting married; they are engaged; they are married and she is pregnant. That's just old news that I've known for ages. But it has just never occured to me that I was actually the only one without a special someone. Or maybe this fact has been lingering in my sub-consciousness, but I have never paid much attention to it before this get-together. It's funny to experience how these kinds of revelations uncover themselves when you can make an assessment of everyone else's positions against your own in contrast to making a comparison on a one-on-one basis. I felt like an outlier far away from where the other girls stood. It somehow feels like everyone else is several steps ahead of you - when I have gotten myself a BF, my friends' response will probably be: "Been there done that like 25 years ago." haha
Anyways..I just knew that the question will soon pop up. I could almost smell it (or they always question me on this issue, so it was rather a prediction).
The Question:
GFs (Giggling after their conversation about (future) husbands): "Song..What's happening in your love-life?"
Me: "Uhmm..Nothing is really happening *eating whatever and everything on the table to avoid further inquiries*"
GFs: "Whaaat? (It's not a surprise anyway..) When was it now that you broke up with your last BF?"
Me: "A year and a half ago.. I just don't feel like finding someone at the moment when I can't offer the guy anything as I'm so busy all the time."
GFs (Everyone in agreement): "You can find time for everything if you are committed to do it(That was a pretty good argument they had there). Are you sure that nothing else i bothering you?"
Me: Kind of speechless for a few seconds and then.. "Alright, I'm not looking for anyone.. It's a waste of time.."
GFs: "Waste of TIME? Honey..Are you aware of what you are missing out on?"
Me sarcastically: "Beside getting headaches? uhhmm..No"
I can imagine that my GFs were thinking "hopeless case" right after my last response.
Soo what's the big deal with this whole 'special someone thing'? I just can't figure out. It must be rooted in my inexperience with relationships. It's not that I haven't been in one, but they just never lasted that long in order for me to make an in-depth exploration. The discussion went on and my GFs suggested that I didn't give any guy a chance. Those who know me very well started pointing out how I'd give the guys weird looks when they tried to approach me. It's not that I think I'm better than the guys who've tried. I'm maybe just very skeptical.
I have this tendency of believing in 'love on the first sight'. I used to compare finding 'the one' with picking out clothes on a shopping spree. Once you are in a store, you can almost sense if there is anything for you in there. You don't even have to go through the racks because you just know that nothing is there for you. It is perhaps an odd analogy, but that's how things work out for me. Another thing is where to find that guy. I seriously don't believe in finding someone on a dance floor or the like.
Finally..I never seize the opportunity when I'm starting to like someone. Even though that someone showed interest by telling me, I laughed at him asking whether he was kidding me (I'm seriously stupid sometimes), and he even asked me to look straight into his eyes and told me that it was true (This was one of the cases where I knew from the first day I met him that he was something). I remained speechless... That happened once (Can you believe this?), and I have ever since wondered what could've happened if I had the courage to tell him that I was interested.
