The art of living without your mom!

I know I have been celebrating the fact that I have to stay home alone for 20 days. But when you have to cook for yourself and clean the whole house, the joy is somehow diminished :P Anyways, it has been some crazy days where friends stayed at my house till 6 o'clock in the morning. In fact, I enjoyed these occasions since I feel quite lonely all by myself in this big apartment. Nevertheless, having friends here also means that they always remind me of the fact that I'm still single. It's true - all of them are either engaged, married, or have been together for 4 years. So do I feel like an outlier? YES!

Sometimes I feel that I'd not trade my single status for anything else in the world, since I treasure my freedom. It's not that I think attached ladies or guys do not have freedom, but in some sense they are restricted if they feel any sense of responsibility. But on other occasions I do envy the love and care that my friends are receiving from their special someone..Siggh..

Vacation time!

I did really really well on my oral OB exam. Additionally, I did my statistics exam today! (No comment, I made two mistakes, but that's what happens when I haven't been motivated to revise) and now I have 1 and a half months of vacation! I'm soo freakin' happy!!

Gaaargh! Exams

Yes, lovely exams are coming up and I'm stressing myself out for sure. The first one up is in Organizational Behavior, which is scheduled to be on Friday. Am I scared? YES! It's an oral examination, do I need to say more? Need to act as a consultant lol..
Statistics exam is on the 18th and I'm more or less okay with it since numbers are concrete and tangible. Just find the right method to calculate the numbers and you are safe!

I'm really looking forward to vacation now. Mom and Bro will be leaving for China, and I have the whole house to myself!

Courageous SonG?!?

Yaaah, I can nod my head as a sign of recognition. But everything has its own exceptions right? While I'm not afraid of heights, rollercoasters (as if it is considered to be a very scary thing, but you get my point:P), taking risks etc. I definitely deal with some issues when it comes to relationships. ATM, I'm thinking about a lot of things, which I should've done differently in the past, so that I might've been happier at present. I'm especially bothered by this one incident, which could've resulted in something really good. But due to my passive 'relationship' nature, I basically ruined all the chances that were served on a silver plate. You know what I did to reject that plate? I laughed it off thinking that it was just not happening to me. See, when you think like that, nothing will become yours. The worst part was that I didn't even signal anything that might have hinted how I felt back then as a response to the signals (not even signals, he said it out clearly and loud in my presence!) he sent.

Instead, that chance went to someone else, and I think they are currently very happy together. As for me, I have been single for years (okay, maybe 2 years) because I can't find the same sparkle as I did in his presence. The thing is, I kindda believe in chemistry at first sight. Maybe, it's an odd analogy, but it's comparable to a shopping spree. It goes like this, when you walk into a store, you don't (me at least) need to go through the racks of clothes. All you need to do is to stand in the spot where you will get a clear overview, and immediately you will know that there is nothing that'll suit you.

Lately, I have been bothered by these thoughts and it made me realize that maybe I'm not completely over this whole incident? Even though, we didn't share anything close to a relationship, I still have a crush on him? Soo damn weird that I'll be thinking about this now siighs..

Nice Thanksgiving Dinner!

I have never been exposed to American traditions before (at least not much), but I must admit that I loooove Thanksgiving dinners (at least the one I got today). The turkey, the stuffing, the pecan pie and everything were absolutely fantabulous! From this experience I can honestly say that I'm considering to marry into an American family:P

Joke aside, I really love whole-heartedly cooked food and these two half-American guys from my class really did an awesome job! Too bad that Thanksgiving only takes place once a year and too bad that we don't have this tradition in Denmark!

Drink Chinese Soup - Strentghen your health!

Yesterday. My mom's friend came over to visit us and brought this huge pot of soup, which she had been cooking over a few days. In it, there was ginseng and all sorts of Chinese stuff that are said to be healthy, and at best it is able to purify your body.

My mom's friend: "Come drink some soup la..Soo good for you when you study for exams"

Me: "Sure..Why not..Thanks AYI"

She gave me this huge bowl of soup and I wile I drank it I thought to myself "wow, tastes soo good..Nothing compares to heartedly made soup cooked over many days."

Some time after I got this huge headache, while I did my exam project. I was soo pissed because the deadline is in a few days and I'm already going to sleep at 11 pm because of a headache?!? But I had no choice, my head felt like it was going to explode or something. Soo, thinking I'll be having a clear and fresh mind the next morning, I slept like a pig.

Today, I woke up at 7 am and thinking that I'll have to get myself ready for my statistics class at 8. But when I stood up, my head basically exploded. I thought again to myself that the soup was really doing its thing by identifying all the toxic substances in my body and setting them free for the sake of eliminating them one by one. I must have a big proportion of them in my body from all the "sleep-at-4-am's".

Okay, not a very interesting post, but it just occured to me how effective Chinese soups are coz I'm feeling as if I could take a good run now at 1.20 am (not because I'm going to do it anyway).

My Sassy Girl

...And I'm not talking about the American remake of the movie. What I'm talking about is the one and only Korean masterpiece! This movie instigated my love&passion for and addiction to Korean movies and dramas. It's cute, funny and sad, taking one on an emotional journey that will be embedded in you for a very long time if not for the rest of your life. It was here where I rediscovered my liking to classical music and I can't imagine myself abandoning it ever again.

I will encourage everyone to watch it even though it might be considered a chick-flick. I will assure you that you won't regret watching it - you will laugh till you feel like you're dying, I swear!

Even now when I'm rewatching it, I still laugh till I'm about to choke and I'm not even kidding:)

If you don't believe me, watch the first part of the movie here.

Too naive

I tend to be too naive sometimes - "If I want this then I can do this to get it". But the outcome is so unpredictable that if it doesn't turn out the way I wanted it, I'll get very disappointed.

That's what happens when I dream big dreams.

Small Town Stories - Deng Li Jun

This song is sooo amazing! (I'm not referring to myself of course:P)

Getting lazy

Lately, I've been contemplating whether I should start going to the gym again. Before, I was a gym maniac. Went there once a day for 2 hours at least just to get my portion of endorphin and I felt damn great.

Comparing that to my lifestyle now, I should feel ashamed - Always sitting and not moving around, basically being a lazy ass. Another thing is that I felt much happier before, whereas I'm always depressed for this and that reason now. Bottom-line is that I need to be more positive instead of being stressed or whatever.

Time to remarry my school.

Soo..School started again 3 weeks ago and I'm facing two new courses. I must say that the statistics course is going to be a difficult one to crack, while Organizational Behavior is more 'lala soft'. Nevertheless, OB will pose it's own challenges as an exam project must be written in a group. Am I a group person? To some extent yes. But what I really hate about group work is free-riders or people who are not as committed as they should be. I received my grade for Business Research Methodology today and I can only be happy:)

A bit late - my Halloween costume.

It's afterall an old pic of me. Think I was 18-19 years old. Back then I had no idea of how to form my eye brows..haha

I didn't make up this costume though. Some evil guy did this:P

Bad sleeping habits and late night contemplations..

For a couple of months now I have been sleeping at 4 am in the morning and sometimes much later, and that happens even though I have classes at 8 in the morning. I know that it's crazily insane, but it's extremely difficult to change. As odd as it may sound, I enjoy these late night sessions during which I'm able to completely be myself and think about stuff that'll normally not occur to me during day time where my mind is somewhere else.

So for the last couple of days, I've been thinking about whether studying business is the right path for me. For as long as I can remember, I've always wanted to do something within the business area, but now I'm doubting whether I'm doing it for the right reasons or whether I'm doing something that I'm good at.

Then there is also the fear of not knowing what else to do..I feel like these issues cannot be solved easily. I know I should be happy that I have so many options to choose from, but it always ends up being so damn hard..I have a headache..

Eternal Happiness..

How I wish that'd be true now..

I miss Toronto!

Sitting here reminiscing.. One of my most awesome trips was to Toronto with two of my best friends. That trip was awesome and I will return to Toronto someday in the near future.

Here is a short video clip..Although shot in the dark, you can tell how happy we were (Our ugly and childish laughters:P). The clip is in Danish and I'm the second one appearing in the clip with my fake smile:P Mary is holding the camera, and Siyu is the girl with the biggest smile ever.. We were on our way home from Square One, spending our whole day there.. Basically, we are talking about how much we have shopped and how dark my two friends are compared to me (I'm quite pale, which is to be expected when you live in cold Denmark)..

In the three weeks I stayed there, I experienced soo much. We had fun everyday, ate great food, and met some awesome people.. How I miss those times!

Having everything your way does not yield experience.

This year around June, I was so excited and everything because my business programme offered this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity where 15 people from my class, once admitted, could go abroad and study at the Chinese University in Hong Kong and Kenan Flaggler in the US for 2 semesters along with 15 other students from each business school respectively.

Many people applied from my programme, but only 25 people were invited for an interview. Fortunately, I was one of the 25. My motivational essay was pretty good, but once I sat down for the interview, my head went blank and in retrospect I gave some pretty bad replies to the questions asked. The results? I did not get the admission. I was pretty depressed for a long time, and not even a holiday in China could ease my pain. Up until today, I still feel some kind of defeat. I guess I'll never completely get over it. I had soo many hopes and dreams that were crushed.

But now when I think about it, even though I still feel the pain, it might have happened for a reason. Whatever I did prior to this incident, I never failed or encountered adversities. And when a failure occured, I did not know how to deal with it and was completely exhausted. At least now, I have developed this 'so-what' mechanism, which will enable me to deal more effectively with adversities. I have acknowledged that it is impossible to go through life without hardships (that's damn late!), and when facing one - deal with it! That's what everyone else is doing, so there are no exceptions in my case. Odd questions such as "why did this happened to me?" is completely off my list since dvelling on such issues or complaining about my abilities will not get me any further.

One more thing - if you want something badly enough then do not give up. That's what I did when two people from my programme withdrew from the exchange programme. In the rejection letter, it was stated that there was no need to contact the office if some of the participants withdrew since they already had 'runner-ups'. And guess what happened? A girl from my class scheduled a new meeting with them and she got one of the places! When you realize such things, that's when regret slowly gets to you... Why did I lose hope and gave up? Oh well..Lessons learned..

Experience comes from failure..That's one of the main lessons that I will carry with me for life.

How resilience works..

"Why is it that this happened to me?"



"Why not?"

"Are you in a relationship?"

Soo..A couple of days ago I went to my friend's house where my good childhood girlfriends and I had one of those rare get-together events. It has been very difficult to actually see all of them simultaneously since everyone is dealing with their own 'realities' so to speak, which is actually a shame since we were the focal points of each others' lives when we were younger. Given that we know each other so well and the many memories that we share, we had a blast of an evening. How I just love losing myself in memories....

One thing I discovered during our conversations was that everyone had that special someone whom they were attached to - they have been together for 4 years; they are getting married; they are engaged; they are married and she is pregnant. That's just old news that I've known for ages. But it has just never occured to me that I was actually the only one without a special someone. Or maybe this fact has been lingering in my sub-consciousness, but I have never paid much attention to it before this get-together. It's funny to experience how these kinds of revelations uncover themselves when you can make an assessment of everyone else's positions against your own in contrast to making a comparison on a one-on-one basis. I felt like an outlier far away from where the other girls stood. It somehow feels like everyone else is several steps ahead of you - when I have gotten myself a BF, my friends' response will probably be: "Been there done that like 25 years ago." haha

Anyways..I just knew that the question will soon pop up. I could almost smell it (or they always question me on this issue, so it was rather a prediction).

The Question:

GFs (Giggling after their conversation about (future) husbands): "Song..What's happening in your love-life?"

Me: "Uhmm..Nothing is really happening *eating whatever and everything on the table to avoid further inquiries*"

GFs: "Whaaat? (It's not a surprise anyway..) When was it now that you broke up with your last BF?"

Me: "A year and a half ago.. I just don't feel like finding someone at the moment when I can't offer the guy anything as I'm so busy all the time."

GFs (Everyone in agreement): "You can find time for everything if you are committed to do it(That was a pretty good argument they had there). Are you sure that nothing else i bothering you?"

Me: Kind of speechless for a few seconds and then.. "Alright, I'm not looking for anyone.. It's a waste of time.."

GFs: "Waste of TIME? Honey..Are you aware of what you are missing out on?"

Me sarcastically: "Beside getting headaches? uhhmm..No"

I can imagine that my GFs were thinking "hopeless case" right after my last response.

Soo what's the big deal with this whole 'special someone thing'? I just can't figure out. It must be rooted in my inexperience with relationships. It's not that I haven't been in one, but they just never lasted that long in order for me to make an in-depth exploration. The discussion went on and my GFs suggested that I didn't give any guy a chance. Those who know me very well started pointing out how I'd give the guys weird looks when they tried to approach me. It's not that I think I'm better than the guys who've tried. I'm maybe just very skeptical.

I have this tendency of believing in 'love on the first sight'. I used to compare finding 'the one' with picking out clothes on a shopping spree. Once you are in a store, you can almost sense if there is anything for you in there. You don't even have to go through the racks because you just know that nothing is there for you. It is perhaps an odd analogy, but that's how things work out for me. Another thing is where to find that guy. I seriously don't believe in finding someone on a dance floor or the like.

Finally..I never seize the opportunity when I'm starting to like someone. Even though that someone showed interest by telling me, I laughed at him asking whether he was kidding me (I'm seriously stupid sometimes), and he even asked me to look straight into his eyes and told me that it was true (This was one of the cases where I knew from the first day I met him that he was something). I remained speechless... That happened once (Can you believe this?), and I have ever since wondered what could've happened if I had the courage to tell him that I was interested.

Vacation is over..

Vacation is over and I'm back to reality again.. Everything I promised myself to do regarding 'shaping my future' was NOT accomplished. That's somehow so typical for me as I'm a procastinator, always pushing things till, well yea, the last minute.

A certain video caught my eye. It's absolutely beautiful and touching. I never thought that a dance could generate those kinds of feelings. The song from Memoirs of a Geisha is amazing; I must say that John Williams is a genius! Not to forget the excecution of the dance routine, the dancers are beyond any words of description..

Let's wait awhile..

I absolutely loove/adore this song of Janet's. Her soft voice is perfect for this song!




This song seriously gives me the chills..No idea why.. All I know is that Janet's old songs are the best!

Singstar is da shit!

I know I know..Many of you may have tried it a zillion times, but the amazing thing about singstar is that you will never get tired of it! What can I say? AMAZING! Some friends and I sung until our throats went super sore and we still couldn't get enough! And I can finally show off my good singing skills:P No one could beat me! haha!

The last couple of days have been crazy..Besides singing, I have definitely accomplished things on my To-Do-list during vacation. Besides indulging myself in singing, I have been eaten goooood food..Went out eating Thai food yesterday and today we ate Indian food! Absolutely fantabulous!

Tomorrow is girls-night with some of my bestest childhood girlfriends, whom I absolutely love! Guess we'll be sitting at my house and cook:) I'll definitely show off some of my cooking skills:P

Cleaning + My Round Bed

As weird as it may sound, I take satisfaction from cleaning :) I hate my room during days where I'm reading as a lunatic, so I'm trying to stay in my room as less as possible. But now when it's clean and everything, I looove it here! I loove my big round bed, the white furniture, and the blend of purple and soft pink colors. I'll admit that it's very girlish, but very comfy and cozy. I should take some pics someday!

My round bed is 'accessorized' with purple bedding, a biiiig lamp hanging down from the ceiling and surrounded by a big, long, white sash that goes all the way down to the floor. Sooo amazing! I love designing and furnishing my room, so that everything matches from colors to form. I give thoughts to the smallest details, which can be quite irritating at times:P But I simply love it!
I've promised myself that I'll take this round bed of mine with me for the rest of my life! I can imagine whoever will be my husband complain over this bed:

Future husband: "Honey, why can't we have a normal bed as other ordinary people?"

Me: "I think I'll have to reconsider our marriage."
:P

Soo Happy!

Guess what? It's vacation time!!!!!!! I came out from my oral exam with good results! OMG! Never in my life would I have expected this!!

I really need this break from school since it has been veryyy tiring. I guess it's not that easy being a business school student (especially if you are taking my programme where you have two exams in two different courses every 7th week. After the completion of these courses, two new courses will start). My next courses are statistics and organizational behavior, but somehow that's sooo far out in the future (starts in 10 days) that I can't seem to bother..:D

Soo what's going to happen during vacation tiiiiime?

1) See my friends, whom I have neglected since I'm basically married to my business programme:P

2) Partyyyyyy

3) Shopping

4) Eat greeeat food

5) Watch Korean Dramas >D

6) Look for an internship outside Denmark

7) Look for a job

8) Do a research on US business schools for exchange

So basically, having vacation is not all about fun..For me, it kindda also amounts to 'shaping' my future. But But..I will have plenty of time visiting friends, going out with them while eating waffles ,the Belgium ones, (haha..don't know why I'm thinking about waffles..Probably because I'm craving for them:P).

Craving for fooood

It is very common for me to think about food during exam preparations..What I could eat right now?

1) Sushi! Omg..What I would not give for Dragon or Caterpillar rolls!
2) Indian food..The spicy and yet soft curry that will melt in your mouth..uff
3) Vietnamese food! The small crispy spring rolls and Pho (that will warm your heart :P)
4) Peking duck! rolled in small pan-cake like thingies with sauce..Just to die for!

Am I ready for judgment day tomorrow? Not at all...

Exams, Exams, Exams...

Yea, I'm done with 1 1/2 exams now and I must say that I'm quite worn out. First, I had to do a 3-days case in a group that didn't function that well and 2 days after I had to do an individual 48-hours exam. Without much sleep or much to eat, I managed to pull it off:S

The only exam remaining is now my oral defense of the 3-days case, which I hope I will do well in. But my confidence is somehow gone. I should be studying, but I cannot:S and the exam is on Wednesday!

Oh well..That's just life I suppose..Sometimes you do well and sometimes you don't..

Stressed!

I think every uni student has this syndrome of something like 'I am so stressed-out that I could just lie down and die'.

The most hurtful thing in the world is...

When you cannot get what you are desiring so badly.

When you feel like trashing everything you have done in order to conquer that only thing that matters to you.

Why is it that I can't get it?

I do miss China!

How I wish that I was stil there!

I didn't make it.

Obviously, I don't have the ability to obtain my goal. Should I move on?

The real 'I'

I don't want to think about it....

Bad days..

Ohh yes, I'm having them right now. When will this ever come to an end?

Starting all over.

So I have decided to delete all my previous posts. There have been many ups and downs lately, and being emotionally involved has tired me deeply, which is why I need to start all over again and look upon things from a different perspective. I guess it's time to live my life in a different way.....................